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Dating agency for dyslexics
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The study indicates that dyslexia is more than just a disability that affects literacy, but one that in adulthood affects long-term partners and communication in the community. Characteristic features of dyslexia indicate difficulties in phonological awareness, verbal memory and verbal processing speed. Dyslexia occurs across the range of intellectual abilities. It is best thought of as a continuum, not a distinct category, with no clear cut-off points. Co-occurring difficulties may be seen in aspects of language, motor co-ordination, mental calculation, concentration and personal organisation.
A good indication of the severity and persistence of dyslexic difficulties can be gained by examining how the individual responds or has responded to well-founded intervention. Whilst there are disagreements understanding the cause of developmental dyslexia, many believe phonological deficits are core difficulties [ 2 , 3 ].
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Whilst dyslexia is widely understood to affect reading, writing, short-term memory and associated traits [ 3 , 6 , 7 ] there is less information available concerning how dyslexics interact with society and their environment at large [ 8 - 11 ]. Alexander-Passe [ 10 , 11 ], Scott [ 8 ], McNutty [ 12 ] all agree that many adult dyslexics camouflage their difficulties using advanced coping strategies to project an image of normality.
As dyslexics are very conscious of their differences, they often create a secondary persona to operate in the wider community. This persona works the majority of the time; however when it cracks it can be highly embarrassing, demonstrates how vulnerable they can be, and confirms their otherness compared to their peers. There is however a shortage of research concerning dyslexia and adult partner relationships, and this paper aims to shed light on this subject. The question now is raised about closer relationships, firstly with family and work colleagues, and secondly with friendships which may lead to dating and marriage long-term relationships.
Can the dyslexic operate their secondary persona in such instances? Work colleagues only see the secondary persona, as in most cases they do not have time to think further. When it comes to friendships, Alexander-Passe [ 10 , 13 ] suggests that many dyslexics avoid mixing socially with work colleagues, citing a lack confidence in general discussions e. This is felt to be greater in groups where they feel others are superior to themselves in intelligence and culture, where they tend to either make their excuses or leave early, or not go at all.
Dyslexics generally belittle their views compared to peers, and this adds to their social exclusion. When it comes down to finding long-term partners, their prior avoidance of social situations, means they lack confidence in meeting others. Manifesting as being unable or unwilling to talk to others in social settings, or feeling unable to hold down a serious conversation - long enough for another to feel attracted to them. This is before they even mention they are dyslexic and if they dare, their troubled schooling and childhoods. Marriage offers the dyslexic numerous safeguards but also many new dangers.
Partners will see the significant difficulties faced by their dyslexic partners, and how much they rely on routines to survive each day. At this point it would be useful to look at dating and relationships in others with disabilities, e. Sexual relationships may falter or cease because of lack of knowledge, embarrassment or not knowing whom to approach for help. Understood [ 17 ] suggests this is due to the patient -caregiver relationship.
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After a while, you may find that you are no longer emotionally attached to the relationship, and this means relationships are likely to fail, unless other reasons are found to hold the relationship together. Commentators tend to focus on the question of whether couples with learning disabilities have firstly the right to marry, secondly should they be sterilised, and lastly if they have children are they intelligent enough to bring them up and therefore should any children be put up for adoption [ 18 - 20 ].
This argument has tended to focus on severely learning disabled couples, such as those with Downs Syndrome. Researchers suggest that married couples, where one has an acquired learning disability , use a variety of approaches and patterns in their collaboration in their daily lives, including the division and delegation of tasks [ 21 , 22 ]. Schulz noting that study participants felt this strengthened relationships, rather than weakening them. Parker [ 15 , 16 ] discusses the power differences exist in such relationships, bringing an un-balanced division of household chores, with disabled partners often forced into devolving a lot of their power over say financial matters which can lead them to feel an unequal partner in the relationship.
In a study by Garee and Cheever [ 23 ] they documents examples of several married couples, where one or both members of the couple have disabilities. NCLD [ 24 ] suggests the following guidance to those in a relationship with disabled partners: Berg, Johnson, Meegan, and Strough [ 22 ] compare marriages between disabled and non-disabled, using open-ended interviews with young and old non-disabled married couples, investigated how they used collaboration in their relationship.
Most couples reported that they collaborated with each other to make decisions and problem solve about managing finances, household repairs, and other major decisions such as where to live. They believed they complemented each other in their approach, and reported few difficulties in collaboration. This research mostly concerns acquired disability, whilst very different to those with developmental dyslexia.
It also implies that the deficit is the difference , the acquired element could however be related to dyslexics gaining identification in their marriage, normally after their children are diagnosed.
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In such cases, their newly diagnosed dyslexic partner is dealing with psychological issues of resentment and anger, which can lead to depression or other mental health issues. Nondyslexic partner have already taken on larger shares of household duties and this diagnosis can sometimes be a relief as a label has now been placed on such difficulties.
However they can now feel embarrassed by their lack of support up to that point. The NCLD [ 24 ] also discusses most important ways one can maintain a healthy and long-lasting relationship between learning disabled and non-disabled partners is by practicing good, clear, open communication. Participants were located from spouses and long-term partners of dyslexic participants from Alexander-Passe [ 10 , 13 ]. The criteria for this study was: No test of non-dyslexia was used to confirm non-dyslexicness.
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During the first interview a number of items were added to the interview script, which was then posed to the rest of the sample. This allowed flexibility in the interview process. The Interview process, confidentiality, informed consent and personal disclosure.
Dating dyslexia :: Eight simple rules for dating my daughter
Participants were sent details of the study before the interview, and all verbally confirmed participation before the start of each recorded interview. Participants were also advised that they could avoid any questions that were too emotional difficult to answer and to halt the interview and their participation in the study without reason; fortunately, no participants took this option. Confidentiality was assured at several points: As the interviews concerned participants disclosing emotionally painful or frustrating events it was felt best that the interviewer the author also disclosed, where required, that he was diagnosed dyslexic at fourteen years old, married to a non-dyslexic partner with several children from this relationship.
Interviews were recorded digitally, transcribed, spell-checked with minimal grammar changes; lastly a check was made for readability. Transcripts were then emailed to each volunteer for them to check and amend if required, with the opportunity for them to add additional notes or post interview revelations, as interviews can commonly trigger post-interview thoughts. Interviews were then subjected to IPA analysis. IPA is a relatively recent analysis model used by researchers; however has a historical origin with the phenomenology and Husserl [ 31 ] aim of returning to studying living things.